The Bachelorette: HOMETOWNS!

Love it. Probably the episode I look forward to the most, aside from the first one before they weed out all the crazy people. Lets be honest- episode one is like the line to audition to American Idol. There's some real nutters mixed in. Anyways.

Love Ben. So, so cute. He definitely wins the unexpected award- did not look at him twice to begin with.

Waiting for Ashley to say something about being protected and secure.

...and there it is. Really didn't have to wait long. So I guess that's infinity points for J.P., he makes her feel secure and protected. That's like the golden ticket for this girl. It's getting a little predictable.

Why is Ashley constantly effing with her bangs??? Cut them or leave them alone.

Ok I love the waitresses at Constantine's restaurant, they are hilarious. Yes, calling it: the waitresses are the best part of this episode. Which is saying a lot.

WTF. He has a nice.ass.house. Daaaammnn boi. Restaurant biz is treating his family nice.

Aww. They're a cute family. Weird though, how she pulled Ashley aside for a private chat while they were eating, I feel like there could be a better time for that...like when everyone else was doing the dishes, for instance.

Oh Dad is a smart dude. Like him.

I thought that dog searing a dress was a small child. My bad. Actually, that is their bad.

Shameless ABC. Turning this into "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".

Ashley is really leading this family on. She's like, "I have to consider everyone" but doing that winking thing like, "You're totally in".

Amazing how all of these guys live in paradise. How does that happen? Nice hometowns all around.

Plaid shirt for the country boy. They are really playing this shit up. Ames gets caught in the middle- or maybe he just figured out how the game was played. Go Ivy League educations.

AGH! Ames' brother is so creepy looking!!! The babies are all creepy too- Ashley is totally not having it. She is literally thinking, "...but I want good looking, dancing babies".

Ew. Ames' sister is really into him.

Oh Lord. I have wanted to marry a man with a winery since Dennis Quaid in "The Parent Trap". #classics

Aw, I like Ben's sister. I am liking him more and more. Times like this, when his crying seems actually genuine, make me understand why I watch this.

Ooo. Nice boots J.P.

For real though, do none of these guys live in some shitty, seedy small town?

Oh this is actually really cute. And I definitely don't think she kissed any of the other guys like that.

WOW. Again, as if it needed to be repeated, J.P. is hot. Also his mom and dad are adorable. Love that mom ragged on him for being sunburnt.

I can't help but think about how much I wanted to meet Ryan's family. That would have been a trip. I miss him.

It really makes it look like a mass funeral when she stands in front of the pictures with the candles like that and everything.

Aw. Poor Ames was NOT expecting that. But really, with the creepy babies and brother, we all saw the 'Oh hell no' look on Ashley's face. She couldn't love an ugly baby. I loved Ames though. Le sigh, he was so nerdy.

"Now I'm back to sharing a lifetime of adventures with myself"-- Ok, that was hilarious.
-CE
Photos courtesy of SKRTV,

The Bachelorette- Ryan's Gone, Takes all the Fun with Him.

Wow Emily has gotten so southern belle in such a short period of time. Used to like her, now not so much.

The theme of this show: Ashley's parade of too short short skirts continues.

Weird how the six guys that are left are almost totally different. Interesting, I bet they appeal to six different demographics. Funny how that worked out.

Is that a kabbalah bracelet Ashley is wearing? Oooo she's so continental.

Did anyone else notice Ben was going the wrong way on that motorway? The arrow was clearly pointing the opposite way that he went.

OK SERIOUSLY if I hear Ashley say 'protected' one more time, I'm going to kick her off of that moped while it's moving.

Aww, I know I said I couldn't tell the difference between Constantine and Ben, but Ben is starting to grow on me. I might like him the best. J.P. is going overboard with the "I want Ashley to myself" act- because that's what it's starting to feel like. An act.

Jesus, supposedly they care about this girl, and a bunch of guys can't get a hold of themselves and are practically falling all over themselves to make innuendos. Classy.

Yeah, J.P. would totally have thrown a fit if he got one of the weird tuxes. Get over it dude. This is what you signed up for. Calm the eff down. Holy shit, he just the darkest, I'm going to murder look everrrrr. Scary.

Lucas was upset because he was wearing a dress? Dude. WTF. Ames is coming up ahead on this one.

Wow, they are REALLY pushing the hometown dates. Big ratings I assume. I mean, basically this whole episode has been about them.

Jesus! Where did the back half of her shirt go??! These Asian women think she is such a hoe. I saw one woman in the background who looked really confused. Wow, so they're going to a Temple with her dressed like that. Ok, cool that's not disrespectful at all.

TAI CHI. Oh my God, seriously, I have been talking about Tai Chi forever. I want to learn how to do it so badly. Of course Ryan would know all about it. He is such a Tai Chi person.

Oh my God, Ryan...this is the hardest moment. He is...I feel like I just kicked a puppy. His face was so heartbroken. You can't fake that. Not the way he did it. "You don't want to meet my family?"

I am never going to recover from this. Although as I was walking away, I was thinking, 'wow his pants have a flair. That's interesting."

None of us saw this coming Ryan, none of us. I am as close to tears as this show could ever bring me. He just wants someone to share his life with! Ashley you heartless bitch!

Awkward, my mom is literally talking to Ryan right now. "I'll love you Ryan" "Take me home to your parents Ryan- well, they're probably close to my age."

We'll miss this, won't we America?

They're making Ryan hail a cab? That's cold.

Wow, Lucas, a class act in the end. Way to go.

Weird. Emily is already crying before she event gets out of the car. That's awkward. Who thinks she took riddlin before this so she could get that perfect shaky look. WOW she is awful. Such a wilted little flower, but made up to look like Carrie Underwood. It's weird, and makes her look like a Stepford. I wonder if this will bring her and Brad back together.

HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THE DOT DOT DOT??? When did they film this? Hmm. Must have been pretty recently actually. They figured they could cash in on their public breakup. 
-CE
Photo courtesy of BuddyTV

The Bachelorette Part...Who Cares? Bentley's BACK.

I swear if I never hear the words "dot dot dot" again, it will be too soon. I mean Lord, IT'S AN ELLIPSIS! Not a state of being. 

Sorry this is a week in the making, and...I think I skipped one in there, but we all know nothing mattered in between Bentley leaving and him coming back. They literally got so bored they had to have all the guys take their shirts off and fight over her. Poor Ames.

"I promise you this is not going to have a happy ending, the way you're doing it." That's what (host) Chris Harrison said, and...not getting through. If someone who obviously new more than me about what was going on told me that, I mean, duh. It's literally like her best friend is like, "Umm, Ashley I just don't think he's really into you, you can do so much better," and that's the nicest way she can think of to tell her that he has been sleeping with their entire sorority.

WTF is up with that Avril Lavigne-esque "Let Go" fast forward while Ashley is standing still shot?

I mean, it's kind of a metaphor for her life, but it was really, really lame. I know they've been staging a lot of Ashley's alone "thinking" time, but really? Really.

Wow, WOW. Bentley's "I'm listening to you" face is really good. Like, fantastic. I think he's wondering what he's going to have for lunch. Like, "how do I get a BLT in Hong Kong?"

Ashley gave him SO much more of a verbal slap than I was expecting. She completely just realized that he wanted a free vacation to Hong Kong. Way to GO girl. HA. Doucher.

I've never been more proud of her. But...that's not saying much.

Aww. Lucas, he's just a good ole boy. So sweet. Adorable. Love him because he is so, so stupid- he is probably the only one who really doesn't care about the cameras, and believes Ashely doesn't care about them either. Tragic. He's totally getting the axe soon.

WTF is "manlihood"? Not a word.

I cannot distinguish between Constantine and Ben. They look exactly the same to me. Their race was hilarious though. Way to lose with some fun.

Great, fantastic strategy, getting a translator. Also, what is it about Ryan everybody hates? Sorry, if he's playing a game, I'm snowed. I like his enthusiasm. I guess I could see where it might get annoying, but come on. Eh. I guess we'll see.

Yes Ashley, good question. What ARE the chances that someone gets engaged right in front of you? NONE. Guaranteed that was staged. I think I recognized some of the people from the Dragon Boat race. And is getting down on one knee a tradition in China? Hmm. Suspect.

UGHHH. I am getting so sick of Ashley's "Oh my God this is gorgeous!" "I'll never forget this moment, that's for sure".

I LOVE J.P. SO MUCH! He is adorable. Too bad Ashley is annoying and not good enough for him. Ugh she is so horrible. It sucks that both of his dates revolve around that dbag Bentley.

WOAH. Some people definitely got disillusioned with Ashley over the Bentley thing. J.P. was a class act, but I definitely understand the other guys being angry. That's shitty of her to act all "I lurrvv you we have such a connection"...but then again, that's the bachelorette way dudes. She's juggling seven guys.

We really saw the bad side of the good ole boy in Lucas come out, "when you make a man feel second..." Oh get over yourself and grow some balls dude. SHE'S DATING SEVEN OF YOU. Or eight, or whatever it is this week. Bottom line: you know you're playing like...4th fiddle at any given time.

Weird how easy it was for her to get him to stop yelling at her though. A crying girl is a really powerful weapon.


Dudes- J.P.has the right attitude. Don't try to control her decisions. Basically, she's holding all the cards, it's quite literally her show. Men just can't handle a woman in power.

Ick. I can't believe I just referred to her as a woman in power.

About Blake, the dentist, I will say this: Dentists have the highest suicide rate of any other profession, fact. Poor guy. He's going to take this no rose thing really personally.

"Basically, I just want a friend." That says it all. Poor Blake.

Isn't Taiwan a huge hub for human trafficking? Wow, ok I would make a horrible Bachelorette.

As for the "next times" all I saw was her crying and talking about it was the worst day ever, all the while fixing her bangs.
-CE
Photos courtesy of US.

The Bachelorette, Episode 4.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I LOVED WEST. Loved him. I guess technically I should be glad Ashley dumped him since he is too good for her, and I knew they wouldn't work anyways, but...

She kept that dumbass trainer from Tampa, and dumped West. That's what really gets me. West is so, so much better than that dude.

Officially, Ashley has terrible "woman's intuition", which is what she called her lovey lust feelings for Bentley, so...

I mean, she sounded so stupid. It was kind of sad actually.

I ended up liking Ames a lot more than I thought I would- more than, you know, not at all. Which is how I felt about him before. I thought he was one you immediately push aside and don't bother worrying about. I think he surprised America tonight. That's right- all of America. But he still thinks he is the shiz. You can tell he is super impressed with himself.

Constantine still underwhelmed, obviously, but I found his conversation about as scintillating as Ashley's, so maybe they could work.

Tailand is gorgeous, but I kept seeing golf carts in the background, so...I'm sure they're exploring the "real" Tailand, being super adventurous and "spontaneous". Ugh barf.

Also, my mother made a great point- that outfit Ashley was wearing during her dinner with Ames was SHORT. Like, she had to keep pulling her skirt out of her ass crack short. She looked a little stupid, and a little bit like she had a wedgie. They might be overestimating her dancers legs...not sure they can pull off something that short.

I am all about J.P. now of course. LOVE LOVE LOVE him. Everyone else is second best to me. He is so sweet, and so genuine. Unlike that ass Bentley. I actually hope Ashley doesn't give him the attention he deserves. She belongs with...Ames probably.

As for the Bentley stuff for next week? "He's actually in this hotel room...right now". DRAMZ. She goes skipping off to her room like the sophomore girl with low self esteem who could use a little help in the beauty routine to the senior football captain.

Think Tai and Elton from Clueless. Which would make Chris Harrison...Cher. Weird.
Photo courtesy of US.

Bentley Comes Back, Ashley Still Doesn't Get It.

Le sigh. We all know her. That girl who keeps pining after that guy who could not care less about her.

The sad part here though is that she has over a half dozen other guys who are chasing after her. It's really getting depressing now.

We haven't seen the last of Bentley Williams, d-bag extraordinaire, oh no.

He comes back, but only because Ashley had producers of the show call him every day for two weeks trying to get him to come back.

Wow. Where was the best friend who rips the phone from her hand? Bad, bad idea. Big mistake. Bentley does end up coming back, host Chris Harrison confirms, but only because, "Ashley wanted a second chance with Bentley, so she begged producers to get him on the phone and get him on a plane out to see her," a Bachelorette insider tells Life & Style. "She couldn’t stop thinking about him after he left her."

So sad to see people trying to change their love life, and then consistently falling for the guy who doesn't want them. Again. 

Surprise to no one, he rejects her again when he gets back. A friend states he didn’t have a change of heart and only wanted a free vacation. "He's never been to Hong Kong," the friend notes. Ouch.

Some have been asking, why wouldn't the show step in, and help Ashley? First of all, it was two weeks in. Who has ever fallen as desperately, cling-ily in love in two weeks with one guy out of 15? Ashley of course. They thought she would a) heed the warning she was given at the beginning of the show or b) figure it out, because not that hard. Just look at him. He's a dbag.


"If you have information about a guy before he even gets out of the limo, that’s beyond a red flag. We gave her the option and said, 'You don't have to meet this guy. We can pull him.' We justify everything by giving Ashley the power. It was her job to say no," said Chris to People. "We don't step in and say, 'That's the wrong decision.' We never do. She was privy to some of the information. I had many conversations with her about this and so did the producers but she defended him every step of the way. She never heeded any of the warning signs."

Even he is calling her a dumbass. And he's had like 12 seasons of dumbasses.
-CE
Photo courtesy of RT.

The Bachelorette, Episode 3.

Previews: We all know Bentley is faking this, right?

I've always wanted to be a part of a flash mob so this is so a perfect date- also did anyone else see Ben C. mouthing the words to "Like a G6"? Adorable. Love it. He is so fantastic.

I love the idea of the bubble. The only thing that was wrong with that speech is how fast he said it. But sweet. He might be my new favorite. I can see how William could be kind of annoying.

Wow is this how it's going to be? Every time someone gets a one on one date, he's my new favorite? It's going to be a long season.

Ashley is not digging mask guy- Jeff- CLEARLY, the producers are making her keep him on. She is not the kind of girl who would find that move interesting, or mysterious. She's full on valley-girl "OMG gag me with a spoon". She just wants to move on.

Honestly, how can they possibly roast someone they've known for like...three weeks? A month, tops. Most roasts have a lifetime to work with. Or are on DAVID HASSELHOFF. I mean, there is just endless, endless material there. And of course, since William is the dubbed "funny guy" he HAS to be the guy to eff up. Of course. They even have him laughing like a jackass. Why does he need an opportunity to be "real"? No thanks. Save the "realness" for like...your third year of marriage. Look at Bentley. He knows how the game is played.

William is either just a complete jackass, or he has never seen a roast before. You don't talk about how you wish it was someone else at the roast, you talk about...small boobs. That's where you go. The other guys knew it.

All I have to say, William is small beans. Bentley is magic. He knows what is up, and he is playing this so, so well. That little comment about 24/25 guys were excited it was you? Classic. Such a mind twister.

WTF is up with these random shots of William wandering down a dirty street? Is he leaving, why doesn't he have any bags...why is there running involved...?

Such manufactured drama. I LOVE IT.

Also, poor Jeff. Talking about the three legged dog he adopted, he thinks it makes him so sensitive and cool, he has probably been saving up that story for a while and...no one cares. Ouch. Poor guy.

Ashley has really, really horrible instincts. I mean all the words she is using, "sincere" and

Ok if they were really, really smart, they would have him say all this stuff like "I don't like her" and "I don't find her attractive at all"...you know, all the stuff he's been saying, and then all of a sudden, totally fall head over heels in love with her.

Now that would be great TV.

He is playing this so well. This is like, "I'm heading off to war honey. Pine for me for years while I am gone." He is a hero in her eyes. She literally cannot stop throwing herself at him. Even though he's leaving, he wants her to keep thinking about him, and wish he was there. Damn he's good.

He's planning on winning even though he's not even there. I literally cannot get over this, he is better than I thought. He's an evil, manipulative genius.

And little did he know, the crying had only just begun. He's right, that really is annoying. I'm wondering if they manufactured that rain when he left, because that was really the perfect cue, like, "the world is crying because Ashley is sad".

JP DATE:
I love him. I love love love him. He doesn't care that she has her glasses and PJ's on. He's honest and sweet, looks a little bit like Joseph Gordon Levitt. I don't think I see them together, but that could be because I see us together. Might be biased.

Also, what did Cher say? "If you wanna know if he loves you so it's in his kiss". Words for the wise. Ashley said it herself- "JP over Bentley in the kiss department". All you need to know.

Still though, theme of this episode: Bentley is a genius. Totally brill.
-CE

The Bachelorette, Episode 2.

I love The Bachelorette. Not ashamed of it. Here are my faves so far:

Ben C., from New Orleans

West, the lawyer from South Carolina whose wife died.

J.P., Construction boss in New York.

William, a cellular phone salesmen from Ohio, father was an alcoholic.

Batman guy, or "Jeff", was so awkward in the first episode, but I honestly thought Tim from Long Island (the guy who got super drunk and passed out) might have murdered him. But now that he lived past that, I will admit that I am curious.

This is what he looks like, sorry to ruin it. 


By the way, does anyone else think it's weird they had Ashley, who is supposedly this amazing dancer who likes to dance alone on a stage with a spotlight on her...comes on stage, and you think she's going to dance with the Jabbawockeez, but no. She just slowly moves her ass from one side to the other, takes her mask off, and then is like, "Oh hey guys! It's just me. Not dancing." She dances later, but not really. Not for how much they've been promoting her as a dancer.

After watching No Rythem Nation I am all about West. He has my sense of humor, also he can't dance, but in a way that he can totally dance. He was just in it, and was way less uptight than I would have guessed.

And I know the buzz is all about Bentley, and how he doesn't really care about Ashley. But come on guys. His name is Bentley. Of course he's an asshole. I called it before the first episode even aired and I was going through their profiles.

He even has an asshole look on his face to top it all off. His face is kind of squished also, so not cute for me, but I guess I see it. Nice guy just wasn't happening there. No idea why she literally begging him to stay on the show. That was awkward.
-CE
Photos courtesy of Starcasm.